so im having issues... i need more than a tissue lol. i need a rant... but mostly i just wish  there was someone who could be here for me... in person.
everything is falling apart. and there are things going on that make me not want to be around boys. ever. in my whole life. apparently every guy acts different around me, and im different and unique and not like other girls. but when like every guy friend i have says it, its not special anymore. only one person makes it special and i fear he's gone for good. but its like every guy friend i have either is annoyed by me or ends up crushing on me, and it makes everyting so hard and awkward. but then again im not a girl you ask out. im just the girl guys like to be around and think about and whatever i dont even know... i dont think ill ever have a real relationship again. ill just end up having lots of friends but no husband when im old. i might even have a reputation of "oh dont bother with her, shes out of your reach, she doesnt do dating."
hello!!! i want a date for homecoming!!! who goes to high school dances alone? seriously, if i dont have a date i wont go. and i think i wont go because how do you explain to someone "yeah ill be your date for sure, only as friends tho." who wants to go to a dance with a girl just to sit there with her. i never had a date before but i had Chimmy every single time, and usually a couple other people... now im alone. eew. i dont even wanna think about senior prom; i want to go so bad, its senior freakin prom! but if i dont have a date whats the point? most of my friends dont know eachother that well, they all have their own friend groups, so there's not even a fun girl-gang to go group with. i hate this.
and another thing: what if someone you loved confused you so much you couldnt explain it? what if they made your head clear and yet so clouded, all at the same time? how do you deal with that? how do they deal with that? and how do you understand someone's love for you if they say the same things to someone else? how do you know you're worth it if someone doesnt even want you unless they can have everyting from you right then and there? how do i explain to him that i love him and thats why we have to be apart right now, because we both have to grow some more. its only high school!!! i feel like im too young to understand anything, yet someone once told me i was wise beyond my age. what the crap does all this mean? is it all just a test from God? am i failing?? can't i just know now before i lose myself and ruin more people's hearts?!?!??

So, i'm here and i finally have time for a blog. Or just a  good reason for once.

Tonight was soo big at Revolution180 i can't fit everything in here yet, report back later for updates. Anyways, here's the main point::

We talked about the Love of God. We prayed. Lately i have been feeling out of touch, unworthy, ya know... too low for Him. But he gave me a vison while we prayed, that looked like this:

I was at school, and i was walking by the bathroom when a girl came out. I had never met her before, but she was bleeding from cuts all over her arms, gushing everywhere. I rushed over immediately, knowing that she did ti to herself, and also that she could have AIDS or any number of diseases that could kill me, or that i could just be too late. But i saved her life. Someone i didn't know, and i could have died doing it, but i did it.
    I asked God what this had to do with anything and was ready to discard it when He told me

     That's how I love you.
     Even if I had never met you, even though I did die to save you, I saved you, and I would do it again, every time. I love you more than you can ever know, and I came back so I could see you again. Your blood is clean now because of mine.

The Love of God has no end: It is immmense, beyond our understanding. He doesn't remember what you did wrong, and every time you come to Him saying "Lord, I'm so sorry, I can't believe I did this again God!!," He looks at you and says, "Again? My child you've only done it now."

Thank God for mercy that endures forever.

As they approached Jerusalem and came to Bethphage on the Mount of Olives, Jesus sent two disciples, saying to them, "Go to the village ahead of you, and at once you will find a donkey tied there, with her colt by her. Untie them and bring them to me. If anyone says anything to you, tell him that the Lord needs them, and he will send them right away."

 This took place to fulfill what was spoken through the prophet: 
 " Say to the Daughter of Zion,
      'See, your king comes to you,
   gentle and riding on a donkey,
      on a colt, the foal of a donkey.' "

 The disciples went and did as Jesus had instructed them. They brought the donkey and the colt, placed their cloaks on them, and Jesus sat on them. A very large crowd spread their cloaks on the road, while others cut branches from the trees and spread them on the road. The crowds that went ahead of him and those that followed shouted,
   "Hosanna to the Son of David!"
   "Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!" 
   "Hosanna in the highest!"

 When Jesus entered Jerusalem, the whole city was stirred and asked, "Who is this?"
The crowds answered, "This is Jesus, the prophet from Nazareth in Galilee."

                                                        ~Matthew 21:1-11 [NIV]

Palm Sunday. The day Jesus entered Jerusalem.
This was not what the Hebrews had expected at all. They expected a King, someone high and powerful, to come riding in on his warhorse, conquering their enemies and bringing them salvation finally.
Of course, what they got was Jesus: a man, the son of a carpenter. His words were His true power, and His deeds were miraculous. But He came in peace, with no sword, and in love. He rode into the Holy City in humility, on a young donkey! This is our King. This is my King.

SO, as you may have noticed, there is no TAG BOARD on my journal anymore. There won't be a tag board until i learn how to stop "spam tags"; they are reeeaaally annoying and i'm tired of deleting them all the time, so i just won't have a tag board. Feel free to leave comments on any entry, though, and enjoy your visit!!!

With all the Love of Christ to you,
~Tenny

I quit.
I don't know why.
I quit.
I stopped trying
To reach into your little world
And pull you out again.

I quit
Trying to talk to you
When you're standing on your head
Your feet are in the air
And you say you care,
But you only see the pavement.

I quit on you
I quit on me
I quit on us
And i'm lost

I stopped
Wanting to fix everything.
I stopped.
I thought I needed air
But I just stopped breathing
My heart stopped beating

I stopped
I thought I was wrong
I stopped living and moving;
I can't find my own mind.
I thought too much
And now I don't know what to think.

I quit on you
I quit on me
I quit everything
And now i'm lost
I quit the best for something more
But I still can't find it

I still stumble
I still fall
I still don't know where I am
But if I stop quitting

Maybe if I stopped quitting

I could
Find Him as He finds me
I could
Be where I'm supposed to be
I could move knowing there's someone there
I could go on

I'll be there for you
I'll let go of me
I'll let Him have us
I won't quit another day
I won't stop living

*~-~-~-~-~-~-~*v*v*~-~-~-~-~-~-~*

Oh yes, and something actually from me, haha!
So, I went to the vending machine the other day, and i decided Minute Maid lemonade sounded yummy. So I put in my dollar and pushed the button, and out came my lemonade.
Plus one.
But I didn't even think about it. The machines get jammed all the time, and it's not uncommon to get two pops or something. So, I left it there, maybe for someone else to take.
That event didn't cross my mind again until Wednesday at r180. I was singing, listening to Rob talk, and then we prayed, and everything as usual. But at some point, that little thing began itching my brain, and continued until the close. Rob was talking about simple ways to bless people, chances to talk to them. You never know if what you get will bless someone else, even if you can't see it, ever. Dawn pointed that out too. And i was thinking about that event, and about my actions, and it finally dawned on me...
I had given up my blessing.
I had left it there for someone else, tried to leave it for someone it wasn't intended for.
I have done this many times, I saw, with things more important than Minute Maid. And I was, and am really, rather depressed about it. But regret isn't a good friend to have, so I have decided not to let it bother me, and instead recognize when I am blessed.

I hope this blesses someone out there.

Toodles!

Poetic Masterpiece

To write a poetic masterpiece;

      What a lofty dream!

A piece of paper of lines a curves

To calm one’s mind or pinch one’s nerves;

      To lift one up or bring one down;

      oh, just think, the splendid sound

      of words read loud

      and proud

      to all

      of words, great, high,

      of words, low, small.

To spin a tale of sunny days

With ground so warm; so many ways

      to enjoy the world and all it is--

      people, places, things--and this!

      The words themselves: your soul they lift,

      and happy memories through they sift

      and bring the best

      the rest

      all gone

      a memory so far, so long.

To let flow forth your heart’s cry,

To put to paper and let die

      the painful things, thoughts so sad,

      melancholy, even mad;

      the pain, the tears; oh heavy heart!

      so burdened down! but now it starts

      to heal,

      reveal

      the side of life

      that’s beautiful, though filled with strife.

A masterpiece, yes, it would be

Could one write such great poetry:

      Loosed in ink the mysteries

      of the mind’s restless seas,

      the waves of life and troughs of death;

      The syllables on every breath

      exhale

      a tale

      so wonderful

      it reaches to your very soul.

Indeed, a high hope it must be

To write such perfect poetry.

~toodles!

so, a blog with no purpose, cause

a) i forgot what i was going to type

b) something needs to be typed to prove that i still come here

luvies to all, have a great day!

toodles~

So, hi. Life has been good lately, God is soo good!

I don't really have anything worthwhile to write about right now, but that's ok; a pointless blog now and then makes things interesting, yes?

Oh! Something very cool: a study shows that you can still decipher something as long as the first and last letters are in the correct places, while the others are jumbled. Check it out:

Ins't it gaert taht eyovrene wlil be albe to raed tihs, eevn tuhogh it is all out of wcahk?!

Neato! lmbo

Morr L8er

Toodles!

Start a new Comment (Blow a Bubble) and post whichever of the following you like, or all. For each, type the word(s)/option(s) specified, but dont number them (just type it straight out; see bottom for examples)

~*~*~*~*~

Just for Fun, Type:

1. A color that starts with the third letter of your first name.

2. A verb or adjective that ends in "-ed" (or equivalent tense).    [glorified, ended, etc.]

3. The food you hate most (in singular form).

4. A bird of some sort.

5. One of the following: cannon / bottle / plastic figurine

~*~*~*~*~

.::Your Hit Man Name::.

1. Your favorite color (try to go outside the basic spectrum).

2. One of the following: Jumper / Zipper / Tin Foil   (don't pick a color if you pick "Tin Foil" )

3. Your Nick-name (the most common if you have more than one).

~*~*~*~

.::Your Movie Star Name::.

1. Your Middle Name

2. A car you own/have owned (or your parents own[ed])

3. The street you lived on when you were a kid. (or one of them)

~*~*~*~

.::Secret Agent Name::.

1. A name beginning witht he same letter as your first name.

2. Your favorite sports car.

~*~*~*~

Hope you had Fun!!!

Toodles!

~Examples~

Just For Fun: Yellow Blocked Pea Dove Cannon!

Movie Star Name: Marie Jetta Milwaukee!

and so on...

Here is something very awesome, posted by a girl in my MSNGroup:

5 WAYS!

http://groups.msn.com/TeenGenerationJesus/general.msnw?action=get_message&mview=&ID_Message=4452

It really makes you think.

PS~ Today is Will and my 8 month! w00t!!!

SHO... How do ya'llz like it? Do tell, please--i love criticism, lmbo! (jk)

So, Chim is here, and we are about to go to bed. It is freakin cold around here. And my dad makes the dog sleep in the garage, even though it gets down to like 40. It doesn't sound so cold, and he has fur, but still, even inside the house he is bundled up tight as he can get. gyar! but oh well. I have a craving for tacos and a cold glass of lemonade right now, i dont know why... I am talkin randomly now, so i think i'll go. There will be a more meaningful blog sometime within the next 2 days, probably.

Toodles!

Here i am... very exciting... i have nothing to write about now, but i will soon... almost done with de new art... yay!!! BUT don't expect it within the next week, probably... so, i'll elaborate later, but now i must go.

ps- i am indeed alive!

Toodles!

Love that song... Anyways, i'm still not done with the new art for my blog  because i can't decide what to do for the title block... shall be figured out soon... i still thank Pamber for her lovely title block art, with her awesome paintshop pro skeeyals!  

CAUTION: The rant below is intended for mature thinkers only; while it may seem odd to say this, i think i must because some people may need to hear it. It is not intended to offend (or gross out) the reader, and no apologies on that account will be made at this point. Also, the line above about mature thinkers, and the others, were not intended to offend either, but seriously, if you can't read this in a mature manner, don't read it. One last note-- please remember that this is my opinion, and nothing more.

_..::*~*~*~*~*~*:._.:*~*~*~*~*~*::.._

So, i was thinking Sunday night, when i couldn't sleep, about one of the things Sawatzki taught us in class (odd, but just read). He talked about the difference between Naked and Nude. I have a slightly tweaked veiw of it, and here it is, written out (finally).

When people hear either of the words naked or nude, they usually react to both in the same way: eew. But there is a difference between the two. They both involve the lack of coveringon the body, but they are two very different words describing two very different things.

Nude. Makes you think of Roman art, or Renaisance art, or some form of art. Nude is a veiw of the human body as nothing more than a body; it is not intended to be gross or sexual in any way. If it is interpreted to be so, it is solely the interpreter's doing. Nude is innocence; it's that picture millions of mothers have of their child in the bathtub, or that same child (having escaped the clutches of the bathroom) running around in his or her birthday suit. It's a painting of a human--maybe standing, sitting, or in some other mediocre pose--showing the dynamics of the body, or even the beauty of it's structure. Nude is what God intended people to be; having no shame, no need to worry about covering anything. But when Adam and Eve learned of sin, and realized that they weren't covered, they learned what shame was.

Naked is embarresment; it's what you are when someone walks in on you after a shower, or while you're getting dressed. Naked is ugly; its a streaker, a flasher it's "indecent exposure", which sums it all up: naked is being exposed, and being so without any decency or respect. Physically, it's pornography, stripping, anything where the body is exposed in a sexual or otherwise indecent manner. But above all, naked is shame. It's the shame of the body God gave you being exposed against your will, unrespectfully, before unworthy eyes. It's rape, along with any sexual crimes.

The most different thing about Nakedness from Nudeness, however, is that Nakedness is more often not just a physical thing. When you become naked before someone and tell the truth, or when you bear out your soul to them, or let them tear you apart to get the answers they are seeking; these all involve shame, or humility, or even fear. Another very good example is becoming naked before God. God already knows what you have under your outer coverings, the clothing of your soul; He will not force you to reveal any of it to Him, though. Adam and Eve learned of sin by sinning. They realized that they had sinned, just as they realized that they were naked, and felt ashamed. They covered themselves, and when they heard God coming through the garden, they were afraid and hid. God knew that they had hidden, and what they had done, but still He asked, "Where are you?". Adam answered that he was afraid when he heard God coming, because he was naked, and hid. God knew that he had eaten from the tree, but still asked Him what he had done. He was dissapointed in both of them, and punished them, and the serpent as well, yet He never deserted them. But we have something Adam and Eve didn't have: We have Jesus. Jesus took upon him all of our shame, and it died with him on the cross, and did not rise again when he rose. He was the last blood sacrifice, and his life paid for all of our sins. But, more than that, Jesus rose from the grave, with the keys of death, so that we too can come out of our graves. We need only to come before him, naked, and he looks on us, and says, "My child, how I love you." He clothes us in white, the purest white, and we are ashamed no more of what was, because we are covered now by Jesus.

Whew! Finally done! So, i'll let ya'll get on with your lives now, and have an awesome day!

Toodles!