Lately, i've had this feeling like i've lost myself. I've fallen down a rabbit hole, but i left me up by the tree. I'm constantly in shifting moods; now i'm wonderful and happy, now i'm angry and depressed. Could be PMS. Or it could be something i ate. Or maybe it's just me.

These last couple days have been horrible in my perspective, but i have no clue why. Stress, unstable emotions, the whole shabang. And I feel even more horrible, because this anger and frustration is spilling onto everyone i love, no matter how i try to keep it in to myself. I need a mental health day, so i can just explode already without getting debris on everyone.

[sit in darkness, silence rings
hearing sorrow, feel its stings
now anger, loathing, take their turns
speaking acid, how it burns]

God has shown me a lot lately; His love, His forgiveness, a pinpoint veiw of His picture of my life. But He has also shown me who i am, who i was, and who i'm becoming. Who i am doesn't like who i was, and doesn't want what i'm becoming. So who am i? I am a child of God, a friend of Jesus, a servant to the only one keeping me alive. It's as if i'm getting to know Jesus all over again for the first time. I've grown close to what He says, yet become distanced from Him. Like people you only talk to online; you know them, but you don't know them. I don't want to be a Jesus groupie anymore.

But God showed me something amazing this week--He still answers prayer. I prayed for my friends, and they were healed and comforted. I prayed for my tears, and God gave them to me. I cried, truly cried, for the first time since ATF, and before that i didn't cry for more than a year. The amazing thng was, it wasn't at some big convention or gathering. It was sunday night, when this all started, and i was talking to Jesus. I didn't expect them, they just came. I'm so joyful, i thank God for tears.

Amen sister!! I love you so much and I pray that God will continue to show you that he is here for you and he loves you. We just have to keep rebuking the thoughts and fears and anything else the devil tries to put into our heads. We were not born with a spirit of fear or shame or depression...these are all things that Satan has brought upon us and we just have to stand up and declare aloud that we have authority over him and he is not allowed in our lives!! We are the chosen children of God and through him we are saved. I love and miss you bunches!! See ya soon

Thanks for commenting in my journal... I know exactly how you're feeling!! That's where I feel I am right now... even though I also know I don't have to be there. It seems like I've almost lost the will to fight back, and I know I need to be depending on the Lord to fight for me 'cause I'm just too tired. Uhg, I feel exhausted, and I know that I need the peace of the Lord back, I need to be resting in Him. These last few days I've been trying really hard to NOT talk about all this, since I feel like I'm complaining... but I need to get it out!!
Anyhoo, thank you for your prayers, I'll be praying for you too, God is faithful to keep working on us even when we feel we're not in the right place anymore. [heart]
-Kathleen

I totally feel you. I actually had a similar expirience the night before last. Stay strong and pray. I'll pray for you ^_^
Love your journal btw ^_^
come visit me sometime! <3

i added you to my friendslist ^_^

yeah so whats up with this!!?!?

[sit in darkness, silence rings
hearing sorrow, feel its stings
now anger, loathing, take their turns
speaking acid, how it burns]:-?:(

I'm praying for you Ms. Tenny. Keep your faith alive and forget about a future that would never come to be with the Evil One leading it. Stay strong, Child of Jesus. Know that your good time(s) wont arrive now, so be patient and know that patience is the key. What do you think of your problems and troubles? Are they too hard to handle? Is it neglectence? Whatever it is, keep your chin up. You'll find something to cure your pain. Continue in the Lord's work and seek what you desire. If you're not comfortable with what you have, you can start over and take anything out of your life away, with the help of Jesus Christ, of course. Remember that you're not alone in this world of Corruption and Despair. And everyone can help each other out if they understood. I hope to hear of you prospering through the angel's songs and know that people are watching over you from eyes of glory, eyes of the blind, and the eyes of pain. Cherish what you have and seek what you are looking for.
-.._*_Nw_*_..-

I hope you're ok, sweety. I have my cell available, so if ya wanna call, you can. I miss you..Hope to talk to ya soon. Much Love, my lovely one..