"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own."
~Matthew 6:34
so im having issues... i need more than a tissue lol. i need a rant... but mostly i just wish there was someone who could be here for me... in person.
everything is falling apart. and there are things going on that make me not want to be around boys. ever. in my whole life. apparently every guy acts different around me, and im different and unique and not like other girls. but when like every guy friend i have says it, its not special anymore. only one person makes it special and i fear he's gone for good. but its like every guy friend i have either is annoyed by me or ends up crushing on me, and it makes everyting so hard and awkward. but then again im not a girl you ask out. im just the girl guys like to be around and think about and whatever i dont even know... i dont think ill ever have a real relationship again. ill just end up having lots of friends but no husband when im old. i might even have a reputation of "oh dont bother with her, shes out of your reach, she doesnt do dating."
hello!!! i want a date for homecoming!!! who goes to high school dances alone? seriously, if i dont have a date i wont go. and i think i wont go because how do you explain to someone "yeah ill be your date for sure, only as friends tho." who wants to go to a dance with a girl just to sit there with her. i never had a date before but i had Chimmy every single time, and usually a couple other people... now im alone. eew. i dont even wanna think about senior prom; i want to go so bad, its senior freakin prom! but if i dont have a date whats the point? most of my friends dont know eachother that well, they all have their own friend groups, so there's not even a fun girl-gang to go group with. i hate this.
and another thing: what if someone you loved confused you so much you couldnt explain it? what if they made your head clear and yet so clouded, all at the same time? how do you deal with that? how do they deal with that? and how do you understand someone's love for you if they say the same things to someone else? how do you know you're worth it if someone doesnt even want you unless they can have everyting from you right then and there? how do i explain to him that i love him and thats why we have to be apart right now, because we both have to grow some more. its only high school!!! i feel like im too young to understand anything, yet someone once told me i was wise beyond my age. what the crap does all this mean? is it all just a test from God? am i failing?? can't i just know now before i lose myself and ruin more people's hearts?!?!??
First thing's first: Calm down. Everything's gonna be alright. You asked alot of questions, but let's see if I can't bring them all together in one short answer: Just trust God!!!!! Many people have told me that I am wise beyond my years, that I am more mature than others in lots of ways, but yet at the same time there's still so much to learn. You'll never understand everything. And sometimes, the questions that we ask won't be answered right away or sometimes be answered at all. It all depends on what God thinks is best for us. I have alot of questions myself about alot of things. But in the end, it all comes down to trusting God. Our human flesh wants to do things on it's own sometimes. We want to solve the problems and fix the situations, but really we just make everything worse. Just keep holding onto God's hand. As long as your hand is in His, you will never fall.
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